A new phase

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I feel like moving into a new phase. My life has been kind enough to me, so are my friends.

I have an issue with my beloved bro and sis. For God's sake, I love them. They gave me hope. They generously allow me to be part of their romance life. I had intervened so many times in their personal life, causing them to lose privacy as a loving couple.

But in the course of friendship and brotherhood, we hurt each other. I personally hurt several times but as love them, i am not taking it far. And again I got hurt. All I want is a sense of guilt, manifested in words (or text perhaps). This time they taking it hard. I think in so many occasions I apologize for mistakes i had not done. But this time I stand firm. I love them but I dont want to be hurt and left behind like nothing happened. I do feel like causing them hard time by barging into their lives causing their private romance cease to exist. I dont like the feeling when they keep repeating that im burdening myself to have them as friends. I embrace them as my own sibling but i dont think they share the same view. These things hurt me.

Though the possibility of reconciling cant be seen in near future, how i feel towards them remains. It remains like the stillness of the picture shot when we smile together after dining at Shanie Cafe of Wangsa Maju.

Allah knows how i care for them and how much i pray for them. I just dont want to "force" them to be friend with me. If im hurt and they don't feel sorry about it, then im shot twice. I hope what i feel is mutual. Someone said - it's your ego Noor. But I feel that im justified for being so. Afterall, aku kan abang.

By the way, thanks my dearest bro and sis, my dedengs, May Allah bless all of u.

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