Unpredictable life

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Six years have passed. I am still agonized by the past, which has given major impact to my life. The betrayal I faced long time ago by my first student, whom I place high trust upon, tormented me so much, to the extent that I start to wonder whether I am being treated justly and fairly for what I have done. I try to find out the justification for undesired things which emerge in my life but still I can’t. The Creator’s plan is out of my reasoning faculty to reach.

Justice and fair in my perspective is not the setting bar to what is justice and fair in the eyes of The Creator. I tend to forget that, but with His guidance, I manage to tell myself that The Creator plays role more than what we think we are capable of. The final words and decision rest in His Hand and submitting to that fact I must.

March 13th 2006 was like other ordinary typical days. SPM result was announced and I curious to know the result of my so called student. I initiate the move by sending him a message, and I got a reply that his result was not so good. I tried to be nice by replying to the message and I managed to get the result, and he was right about his result. I also asked him whether he has any idea about whom is the person sending the message, yet no reply.

On the 16th, early in the morning I got a message asking who am I and I reply accordingly. To be polite, I posted simple questions about his choice for UPU and about his PLKN. He then answered accordingly. On that very night at 11.14 p.m., I received a phone call and it was him. I cannot believe what happened on that night and I think that it might only be a missed call. Luckily I was wrong. He really called me.

The first thing, he asked whether he is bothering me or not and I give him positive answer. After few words, he proceeded with an apology. I waited 6 years for this event to come and it has finally come at the time when I don’t really bother about it anymore. I had even regretted for being his mentor. The guilt emerged out of frustration and dissatisfaction of seeing my student going against my teaching. But then, the sincerity expressed is one thing that I cannot resist. When people start being honest and polite, I am no longer that lionhearted as I used to be, though the thing might be bitter to be gulped down. My anger and frustration were gone by the wind. After all, he is my student, whose my pray goes to, prayer of his well being in this worldly life and hereafter.

He then confessed about his wrong doings, which he had made against me. He told me to ignore his rudeness in the past though it was done blatantly yet ignorantly. I was totally touched by such admission. I replied that I also apologized for any wrong doings on my part and he rebutted by saying that I had committed no wrong. He pointed out that he is the one who had committed wrong in the first place. After all, he said that I was his teacher and he is the one who refuses to follow my teaching. I was deeply touched by that line. At last, he expressly recognized me as his teacher, an honorable recognition I assume.

Then the discussion proceeded with questions on choices for UPU and again, words of apologize came out. I told him that I had no heartfelt for what had been done against me, which in fact had forced out all of my dreadful side of mine into pictures.

I had once promised that I will help him in what ever circumstances, and such promise will be honoured accordingly. I talk to talk and I walk to walk. My promise is a lifetime promise and it is in force at any time as the blood runs through my veins.10 minutes of phone call makes me so relief, as now, no one is against me, especially my dearest student. I feel like if I am to face death, I can face it tranquilly. The past 6 years of suffering and agony shall only be part of my history. This will be the beginning for me. This incident gives me a little hope to believe and to trust more people, which I have for a long time refuse to.

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